I’ve made my decision

This is an incredible decision to live… it is a struggle when you have bipolar disorder. Every day is a new struggle to make that decision.

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I decided I didn’t want to live.

Things have been bad for a long time now.  My depression isn’t getting any better in spite of all the things I’ve been trying to do and all the changes in medications.  It’s been almost impossible to work.  I’ve complained for a while that there isn’t enough work to do to stay busy, but things finally picked up a couple of weeks ago.  But being so depressed it’s been all I can do to keep up with the bare minimum.  I just have no motivation and no energy.  I spend my day staring at the computer screen or out the window, waiting until it’s finally time to go home.  But it isn’t any better there.  As soon as I’m home I just wander around from room to room, checking email for the 100^th time and watching reruns of shows I’ve recorded.  I…

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